CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
