idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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