Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
