the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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