mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
