I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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