Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me too!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
