I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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