Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
