this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
now i know why i became what i already was.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
