Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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