you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
