He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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