So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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