I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
