well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
