Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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