And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
