I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
