well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
