dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
