I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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