You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
