I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
