Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
