You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
