We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
