Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
