He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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