ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
