Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
