It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
