I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize