If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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