I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
