as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize