Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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