I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bring me that man meat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
