Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
