So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
