bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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