i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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