i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
