I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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