I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
