Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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