im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
