I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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