Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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