I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
