I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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