I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a hot homeless man
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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