Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
