my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no you cant smoke seaweed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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