btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
