For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
