i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
