Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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