is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
