I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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