he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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